So today I had a moment. I was walking into the gym (late for yoga) and I bump into my husband’s mistress. Awkward. She stops in front of me, I stop, we are the only two people in the parking lot.
Her: “Hi Jor.” (Backstory, we used to be friends.)
Her: “I’m glad I ran into you. I want to say ‘I’m sorry.'”
Me: (After a few seconds of silence and reflection) “I forgive you.” (Then I hugged her.)
Let’s take a breath here so I can tell you, I’m the most honest person I know. I don’t lie. I’m guided by my gut, and say and do what I feel. That’s why I’m writing this blog and posting it. I felt it, I meant it, I forgive her.
Conversation continues …
Me: “Look, you seem to be good for my kids and you seem to make him happy. I obviously could not make him happy, and I loved him enough to want him to be happy.”
Her: (stammering) “I’m just really sorry about everything.”
Me: “You know, I’m sorry, too, about the way things were handled.” (There was lying, betrayal, humiliation, typical affair stuff on their part.) “But this is the time of year Jewish people forgive (Wednesday is Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement). And, in, fact I was going to ask him (my ex) to forgive me for any way in which he feels I wronged him. So yeah, I do forgive you.”
Then I hugged her again. Went into yoga shaking, and I cried. It wasn’t the forgiveness, I forgave them both a long time ago — if I hadn’t, I couldn’t have moved on, but it was the realization that I really do forgive them. My time with my ex is over and I really do want him to be happy. I am happy.
I don’t believe in coincidences so this meeting in the gym parking lot was no accident. The timing is uncanny, one day before Yom Kippur.
It was probably more for her than for me, (even though she’s not Jewish) but I’m grateful for that moment. Forgiveness comes at an emotional toll to the person who offers it.
Yes, there was a lot of crying, reading, talking, yoga and meditation that got me to that place in the parking lot. Forgiveness may seem expensive to the soul at the time, but in the end, it’s a small price to pay for the freedom it brings after you truly forgive.
Thanks for listening — I needed to get it out.
Forgiveness will be a theme this week in my show from 8-10 p.m. Tuesday night, we’ll open Jordana’s confessional. So tell your tale, I will always forgive you.