TALE OF THE TAPE

New England Patriots Vs. The Dark Knight Rises

Over the past several years, Christopher Nolan’s seminal Batman movies have not only been examples of great superhero movies, but arguably great cinema as well. It’s no wonder, then, that 2012’s The Dark Knight Rises was met with extraordinary expectations. Similarly, the 2013 Patriots entered the season highly regarded – as they do every year that both T-Brads and Bill Belichick are on staff. So which of these highly anticipated juggernauts delivered?

New England Patriots
The Dark Knight Rises
New York Jets v New England Patriots
"The Dark Knight Rises" New York Premiere - Inside Arrivals
Initial Excitement?
“YEAHHHH!”* (*BUT only for Patriots fans)
Winner “WOOOOO!”
Vague Sense of Worry?
"Why...are we struggling against the Bills and the Jets?"
Winner "Why...is Bruce Wayne hobbling around a broken down apartment?"
Leading man?
Winner Handsome-yet-ruffled protagonist, still arguably in his prime, yet possessing some silly, silly hair. Whines kind of a lot.
Handsome-yet-beaten down protagonist, well past his prime, but still hoping to make a difference.
Growing Sense of Worry?
Winner Man...Rob Gronkowski sure does spend a lot of his life injured.
Winner Man...Bruce Wayne sure does spend a lot of this movie injured.
Features Hines Ward?
No, which stinks, because even retired, he’d be their 2nd best receiver - maybe their best receiver - in 2013.
Winner With gusto!
Unsettling Level of Violence?
Something, something, Aaron Hernandez, something.
Winner That time that everyone in the stadium died...except Hines Ward.
Secret Supervillain
Winner Bernard Pollard.
That silly-voiced fella who gets taken down by Anne Hathaway.
Wise Mentor?
[Emperor Palpatine] Bill Belichick.
Winner Michael Caine!
Most Illogical Move?
Winner Cutting Wes Welker!
Announcing comeback by burning a gasoline bat into the Brooklyn Bridge. That probably took way more time than it needed to, Bats.
Secretly Lousy?
Winner It’s looking that way, but the season is still early.
Yeah.

The Winner Is

"The Dark Knight Rises" New York Premiere - Inside Arrivals
Winner The Dark Knight Rises
6 out of 10

With a score of 6 out of 10, The Dark Knight Rises takes it! But don’t put too much stock into this. Both are probably overrated.
-Brian Cullen, CBS Local Sports contributor

MORE TALES OF THE TAPE

  1. (credit: Hannah Foslien/Getty Images) (credit: Hannah Foslien/Getty Images)
    Will The Twins Be A Playoff Team?

    Minnesota Twins fans have been in a weird spot for most of the 2015 season. They are hesitant to jump on the bandwagon and believe in a team after four straight seasons with at least 90 losses. With a little more than a month to play in the regular season, they’re on the doorstep of a playoff spot.

  2. (credit: Andy Lyons/Getty Images) (credit: Streeter Lecka/Getty Images)
    Who Will The Timberwolves Pick, Towns Or Okafor?

    The NBA Draft is Thursday night, where the dream of many young basketball players of becoming a professional athlete will become a reality for many. The Minnesota Timberwolves have a huge decision to make.

  3. (credit: Elsa/Getty Images) (credit: Elsa/Getty Images)
    Who Plays For The Twins First: Buxton Or Sano?

    Not only are the Twins leading the American League Central Division, they’ve also got two of the most highly-regarded prospects in the minor leagues. Fans and media alike want to see Byron Buxton and Miguel Sano in Twins uniforms at Target Field. But they’re currently in Class AA and both missed most of last year with injuries.

See All Tales of the Tape