Good Question: What Makes For 'Quality Time' With Our Children?
MINNEAPOLIS (WCCO) -- A new study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family finds the amount of time we spend with our kids has virtually no bearing on how well they turn out. It looked at behavior, emotional health and academic achievement of 3 to 11 year olds.
Instead, the study points out quality means much more than quantity when it comes to spending time with children. Researchers looked at both "engaged" time, when parents were interacting with their children and "accessible" time, where parents were present, but not actively involved.
So, what does quality time with children mean? Good Question.
Toni Feaigal, a parent coach with the Center for the Challenging Child, says making quality time means both parties have to be involved.
"I would define quality time as the kind of time where both the parent and the child are feeling like they're really connected with each other," she said.
Feigal says a child's connection with their parent builds neural pathways and the more present and attuned a parent is, the better off the child.
"It means I feel what you're thinking. I feel what you're feeling. I'm here with you in such a present way that you have all my attention at this time," Feigal said.
If there are times when parents need to work on other chores, Feigal says that's ok and to consider having the child help.
"You can get a chair, pull it up to the sink and have them help you," said Tyisha Malone of Richfield, mother to two boys.
Experts say there is no magic number when it comes to how much quality time is enough.
"Quantity alone accounts for very little in family life, although without a threshold of time spent, it's hard to have quality," said Dr. Bill Doherty, professor of family social science at the University of Minnesota.
And, as for what's not quality time?
"When he's watching TV, it drives me nuts," said Luciane Edgington of Edina, parent to 5-year-old Nathan.
The researchers found an anxious or upset parent, especially a mother, can actually be detrimental to a child's well-being. Feigal says when a parent is distracted also makes it difficult to connect.
"I would say to parents, put your phone away, I really would," she said. "Be present for your child as you would normally be for your phone."
As for how much quality time, it will never be all the time you're together. Another expert said it's hard to have quality time without a certain amount of quantity.
