Hey, anyone would be flattered if a company came out of nowhere and offered them a pretty penny for their participation in an advertisement.
But where does one draw the line between profit and utter embarrassment? For these five sports stars, all of whom already handsomely compensated by their day jobs, money can apparently replenish dignity.
Akinori Otsuka – Corky’s Pest Control
We can’t fault this former Major Leaguer for getting roped into this one. It’s clearly a simple case of cultural misunderstanding. Wacky commercials and programs are commonplace in Japan, but someone should have explained to Aki that you must only humiliate yourself in American TV ads when the compensation is substantially more significant than an ant-filled picnic.
Jimmy Johnson – ExtenZe
Pop quiz, hot shot: You have two Super Bowl rings, great hair and oodles of admiration. Where do you go from here? Well, the guy who is a walking, talking double euphemism for that certain element of manhood decided to sign on to hawk a “male enhancement” pill … basically something you could buy in a truck-stop bathroom for three quarters. Hate if you will, but money is perhaps the most effective male-enhancement supplement, so Jimmy wins again!
Scottie Pippen – Mr. Submarine
Hmm, not sure why this one made the list. Pippen got to enjoy a center-court picnic with two lovely ladies, he slam-dunked a sub and he also got to showcase the thespian within. Nice work, Scottie. So, what’s your scrappy teammate who sticks his tongue out while doing those monster jams up to? You know, Number 23? When’s he gonna get into commercials?
Charles Barkley – Weight Watchers
“Lose like a man,” eh? Mankind is actually the loser in this one. Thanks, Sir Charles, for making some of us question our sexuality, capitalism and the ability to ever fully digest a Weight Watchers meal again.
Carson Palmer – John Morrell Sausages
In addition to all the cash and sausages Carson earned from this campaign, we hope John Morrell also threw in the trademark rights to the adage, “a picture is worth a thousand cringes.”