TALE OF THE TAPE

Andre Johnson Vs. Santa Claus: How Does He Match Up To St. Nick?

Andre Johnson
Santa Claus
Miami Dolphins v Houston Texans
Macy's Hosts Annual Thanksgiving Day Parade In New York City
40 Time?
4.41 Seconds
Winner I mean...one estimate has St. Nick traveling at roughly 5.6 million miles per hour (in order to deliver all those presents) so...whatever 40 yards of that is. A blink, essentially.
Weight?
Winner A svelte 227 pounds.
Probably more than that.
Receiving TDs this year?
Winner 5 this year (really? That feels low). 61 overall (that too).
None?
Estimated value of Presents
$17,352
Winner Millions and millions
Is he real?
Winner Yep!
Who’s asking? Where are your parents?
Reaction to seeing mommy kissing him?
Winner ...I’M GONNA BE RICH!
Set it to a song!
Reaction when you hear him “Up on a rooftop, click-click-click”ing?
Stranger! I’m calling the police right now.
Winner Weeeeeeee! Presents!

The Winner Is

Miami Dolphins v Houston Texans
Winner Andre Johnson
4 out of 7

So there you have it. After a hard-fought battle of joyful giving, Andre Johnson takes the round 3-2! And rightly so. What a terrific fella.
-Brian Cullen, CBS Local Sports contributor

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