Top 5 Most Magical Eating Feats Of Professional Athletes
Compared with your garden-variety person, professional athletes are stronger, braver, more dexterous, less averse to risk and -- ultimately -- better.
So perhaps it's no surprise that some of our ball field behemoths have accomplished feats of eating as jaw-droppingly fabulous as anything seen in the arena of sport.
Herewith we present the five most magical encounters between an item of food and the mouth of a highly paid athlete. (As lions do not play with house cats, professional eaters have been sidelined from our list.)
Vince Wilfork, American Football, Chicken-And-Bread
When New England Patriots tackle Vince Wilfork eats chicken, one thing he will not do is use a fork. "He'll put it on bread, like it's a sandwich, and somehow he'll never bite the bone, and he eats the whole thing," teammate Devin McCourty said in an interview with The Improper Bostonian. This crafty tongue-and-tooth chicken excision is a fine example of the superiority of athletes in all fields of human endeavor.
Gerrit Cole, Baseball, Dried Nasal Mucus
During the dozens and dozens of minutes of a sporting match, athletes are in need of continuous bodily sustenance. During the 2013 season, mass chewing tobacco and sunflower seed shortages forced Pittsburgh Pirates pitcher Gerrit Cole to consume the dried mucus output of his own left nostril. In the video above, an epiphany plays across Cole's face as he realizes what depths we must plumb in the pursuit of victory.
Stephon Marbury, Basketball, Vaseline
Testing the boundaries of medicine as systematically as he tests a zone defense, point guard Stephon Marbury tried to cure his soar throat by swallowing a little bit of Vaseline. But does it work? According to the infallible knowledge service ChaCha, in "small quantities [petroleum jelly] would not be harmful. ChaCha on!" Marbury's willingness to literally risk his own neck is inspirational.
Lolo Jones, Track And Field, 70 Super-Spicy Chicken Wings
Hurdle champion Lola Jones is most famous off the track for not hurdling over her virginity, but sex is not the only basic human impulse from which she's shown restraint. Jones also once refrained from vomiting after eating 70 super-spicy chicken wings in one sitting. That sounds like a lot of super-spicy chicken wings!
Ashley Young, English Football, Bird Feces
This one is just magically gross. A bird crapped in a soccer player's mouth.
